The Art of Crutching

I am not sure that 'crutching' is a real word.  I am pretty sure that it isn't.  I don't care.  What else are you supposed to call it?  'Being on crutches'?  'Crutching' is easier to say and a lot shorter.  And people know what you mean.

My carry all bag and crutches.

I am not fond of these new appendages.  I am eternally grateful that I only have a couple more weeks of using them exclusively; with a little help from Betty Sue.  I do not know how people use them for long periods of time.

Crutching has it's very own set of rules and regulations.  A lot has to do with the laws of physics.  I was never very good at science, unfortunately, so I am learning the rules by trial and error.  Mostly error.

Water Torture:  I have become a near expert at spotting water on the floor.  It can be a super tiny drop, but if I hit it while crutching - watch out.  I will go down.  I have had several near misses so now I watch the ground wherever I go, just in case.

Somebody needs their tummy rubbed.

Furniture Dodging:  I have become adept at the sideways crutching move.  I have to use this in order to maneuver around the furniture in my house.  You just move one crutch sideways and hop a little to that side.  Then, repeat as necessary.  You won't get very far very fast, but you will be able to avoid chairs and tables.

Please.

Pain:  I have developed some calluses on my palms.  That part is good.  I have not developed calluses under my arms on the sides of my chest (think of where your bra wraps around).  That remains red and tingly...especially if I crutch too long at a time.  Also, my good leg takes all of the weight for as long as I am up and around.  Anymore, my purpose in taking medication is to keep that leg calmed down.  It is so overworked.

Stair Master:  I am paranoid about the stairs.  I have nearly lost my balance a time or two leaving the deck.  There is no way to get out of my house without going down a couple of stairs.  They scare me silly.

Stair Avoidance:  We have a two story house, with a basement.  I did go downstairs on my bum one day.  That was kind of fun.  But then I had to crawl back up, crawl to the couch and pull myself up to get back on my crutches.  I was exhausted.  I went upstairs one day by crawling up the stairs, crawling to the bedroom and then using the bed to pull myself up to get on my crutches.  I reversed the process for going down (remember:  I have a bionic knee on the healthy leg and it is difficult for me to stand up from the floor on one foot).  Again, exhausted.  I have decided that it is easier for other people to go up and down for me.

Bag Lady:  The other thing about crutching is that it is difficult to carry anything.  I carry a cloth purse/cross body bag with me all the time.  It holds a wallet, phone, kindle, drink, you name it!  You do have to be careful of the extra weight these things add.  Especially since the bag kind of swings around a little.  Remember those laws of physics.

Lunch Lady:  This also means that eating can be a bit of a challenge.  I quickly discovered that there was no way for me to get my food to the table.  Since I am not fond of standing to eat at the counter, I have a system. All of my food goes into closed containers and into my lunch bag.  I can then hobble into the living room to prop my foot up and watch TV while I eat.  Hey, it works.

Workout:  Last but not least, crutching is exhausting.  It takes me five times longer to do anything.  I cringe when I accidentally forget to grab something.  I  pretty much think long and hard about whether I need something so badly that I get up, grab the crutches, maneuver into whichever room I need, grab said object, crutch back and then sit down.  I usually don't need it that badly.

On the positive side, there are a lot of things that I can do.  I can write this blog for instance.  I can catch up on all my Netflix movies and shows.  I can re-read all of the Harry Potter books.  And I can pet the cats.  A lot.  If they let me.